Letter to My Daughter

Dear McKenzie,

I am not sure when I will give you this letter. When you are leaving to go to college or a life adventure, whichever you decide to pursue, when you get married or even when you have your first child. I will give this letter to you when I feel you are ready and mature enough to understand it. Me and your daddy found out we were going to be parents on Valentine's day of 2012. We were more then thrilled. I have had a wonderful pregnancy. You are my little acrobat. I have a prediction you will be here October 27th but your daddy thinks October 6th only because it is Alabama's bi-week.  I say this because I was due on April 23rd but my mama didn't have me until April 27th. They thought I was going to be 3 weeks early and I was 4 days late. Everyone thinks you are going to be early because I am all belly but I think you are gonna take after your mother and arrive fashionably late. I can't begin to express to you all my thoughts, hopes, fears, dreams, aspirations etc that me and your daddy have for you. Whether you go to college, move to New York to be an actress or decide to travel the world I want you to know I am proud of you in whatever you do. I hope you have confidence, independence, self respect and knowledge. I want you to not only love God but KNOW God. He is the only one who will get you through your best and worst times. Believe in prayer and read your Bible daily because that is the only way you will keep faith. Make sure you ALWAYS respect your elders. Yes ma'am and yes sir take you a long way in life. Give your seat up to someone who is older and never go to a party without bringing something even if it is just a bag of ice. If they are feeding you, you need to bring something. Something I learned from my mama. Remember you will always be daddy's little girl. He is the first one who loved you, loved you the longest and no one will ever be good enough.  Believe me, Pawpaw was the same way. Just remember when he scolds you it is because he loves you although I believe I will be the bad cop. Know that no boy is worth a tear. You control yourself and your body and you are no one's property. No boy should lay a finger on you unless it is to wipe a tear of your face and brush the hair out of your eyes. Regardless of anything, you ALWAYS deserve respect from boys, your peers, and even from us. You need to take life as it is. Do not fret the small things which is something I continuously work on everyday. Hopefully you will take after your daddy on that note. Remember to work hard at everything in life. NOTHING SHOULD BE HANDED TO YOU. This is very important. Work hard for things you want. Don't expect others to do it for you. Work ethic will take you a long way. Know that beauty is on the inside. Be kind to others, smile a lot and appreciate what life has give you. Know that it is ok to cry. It is not weakness  it just shows there is a heart under that tough exterior. Reading is the best way to keep a sharp mind and a glass of wine will keep a good heart. :) Continuously date while you are married.  Too many couples forget this. Never go to bed mad, never hang up without saying I love you and always kiss your husband before going to work. Take care of your husband emotionally and physically. Men need certain things that women do not have to have if you understand. Men love food so cook for him. A man's stomach is a way to his heart. Know where you came from. Also, know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and your daddy. We may scold you, ground, you spank you and embarrass you but it is because we love you. You will understand one day. Know that your Grandma and Grandpaw love you. I mean my mama and your daddy's daddy. You will never meet them but they will always be looking down on you hoping for the best for you. I want you to know to never be scared to talk to me. I may have certain standards for you but you are my daughter and I will love you no matter what. Last but not least grow from your mistakes. You will make them but live, learn and grow from them. Move on and become a better person because of them. And look back and smile because all those mistakes have made you who you are. If you are reading this and I am no longer here, know that I am ALWAYS in your heart and ALWAYS see everything you do. Mama loves her Sunshine……..

Always be my baby...

As a person who is on edge majority of the time, I tend to worry about EVERYTHING. I know I should put it all in God's hands, but it is just so hard. I worry about the kids ALL the time. Wonder what time they woke up, have they ate, did they brush their teeth this morning, has Kenzie been fussy, etc. One person shouldn't worry as much as I do. This is something I continuously work on. My biggest fear is my daughter's future. As Kenzie gets older she will inch further and further away from me. She will need me a little less and less as time goes on. I understand this because as stated in my previous post I am helping raise my nieces. Just because I understand doesn't mean I accept it.  My fear for her developed the day she was born. Look at the world we live in. Kids are having kids and it is a normal thing, children are killing each other, everything has went up in price, and college expenses I don't even want to discuss. It scares me to raise a child in a world that is just.....well cruel. I have many hopes and dreams and aspirations for her. I want her to be confident, strong willed, independent and smart. I believe this is fostered by good parenting. I am by no means a perfect mom. I mess up quite a bit but I feel being a mother is trial and error. Every child is different and requires different parenting techniques. However, I feel I have been a good mom. My daughter is my life. Her needs, wants, etc are always before mine. The way it should be. I sat in the floor on Sunday trying to get my daughter to crawl struggling with everything in my mind. Then there she went. Crawled across the living room floor like no ones business. I felt elated because I got to see it. I felt accomplished because I have been working with her to crawl. I felt sad because she is growing up. Pretty soon she will be furniture cruising, walking, and then we will be getting ready for school. I know kids grow up and life goes on. She may be growing up but I still rock her to sleep. I still sing to her even though she stares at me bc my voice is horrible. I still call her my baby. Because that is one thing that will not change. She will always be my baby no matter how old.....

Helicopter Mom

I am new to this "blog" thing, however, I am not new to writing. Everyone who knows me knows I majored in Journalism and wrote for the Bessemer newspaper. I soon realized there wasn't much of a future in that business living in the Mason-Dixon line. I am now a Digital Banker (fancy word for communicating by email with customers at Regions). I married the most wonderful man on July 30, 2011 and gave birth to McKenzie Grace Smith on October 9, 2012. Which leads me to an article in Parenting Magazine about Detachment Parenting. I agree with some viewpoints in this article but disagree with the general idea. As it is apparent majority of my friends are mothers and we all raise our kids as a whole quite the same but in a few ways different. The words "detachment parenting" should never go together, in my opinion. As a parent, your job is to protect your children and be there for them for everything no matter what. I am not saying with this style of parenting you don't care about your children, but this is the type of parenting which I call "Modern Parenting" and my daddy calls "No Parenting" is what a lot of parents are doing and take a look at the younger generation. This style of parenting allows their kids to have "free range" to do as they please, as stated in this article. I agree with that, to a certain extent. I allow Bella and Rina to choose their clothes, but they have to match. I allow them to brush their hair and choose how they want to wear it. I allow candy, but after dinner. I allow friends over and play time on the computer, but they must do their chores first. I let them stay up late at times but this is a treat and only in the summer. I am all for teaching children independence, but as a parent I feel you need to teach your kids who is in control. Growing up my daddy was as strict as they come. I, unfortunately for Kenzie, have followed suit. But as an adult and mother I know this is good for her. I had a curfew and if I wasn't home I knew I would be grounded, I used ma'am and sir, I got spankings no matter where I was at, I had to work to put gas in my car, and I had to eat a good meal before any junk. I didn't have a cellphone at 9 or a computer I stayed on, I wasn't just given money for gas I had to work for it and I didn't get away with throwing tantrums in the store without getting my butt whooped. In my opinion, Detachment Parenting is lazy parenting. I can't stand to hear "Well she was whining and I didn't feel like arguing". First, you are the adult and you shouldn't be arguing with a child. Second, you are the ADULT! You make the rules, you're the Queen Bee! This article used the term "Helicopter Mom" for mothers who hover their children. Well I am proud to say I am that mom and aunt (or AuntMom as Bella calls me). I am not suffocating, however, this day and time you can not be too careful. I am the mom/aunt who make their children drink more water in the heat bc I fear dehydration, I am the mom/aunt who carries a on-the-go first aid kit, I am the mom/aunt who thinks their children need to be dressed suited to the event, I am the mom/aunt who kisses boo-boos and wipes tears, I am the mom/aunt who spanks (gasp!), I am the mom/aunt who has her kids on a schedule, I am the mom/aunt who doesn't EVER allow candy, cookies or junk before dinner and I am the mom/aunt who does not skip baths no matter how late or tired. I am also the mom/aunt who gets the most compliments on my kids behavior, I am the mom/aunt who has respectful kids, I am the mom/aunt who knows her kids love her more then anything in this world, I am the mom/aunt who spoil her kids, I am the mom/aunt who has 6 eyes staring at me on the potty, I am the mom/aunt who is more excited about birthday parties then her child, I am the mom/aunt who cries bc she sees her babies growing up before her eyes, and finally I am the mom/aunt who is most proud of their accomplishments and the most fearful of their well being. So what I am a "Helicopter Mom". I have the best kids in the world and my style of parenting must work...I turned out alright! :)